The Art of Surrender

It’s no secret that the benefits of yoga are endless…in just a few decades, it has made its way into mainstream America with people from all walks of life practicing to aid their health. From daily health maintenance to issues as serious as cancer, yoga has been shown to have a positive effect.

Yoga in the childbearing year is no exception. The benefits are so well known nowadays, that many women are drawn to prenatal yoga with no prior experience. Common reports include reducing general discomforts of pregnancy, minimizing stress, learning mindfulness meditation and other useful tools to cope with labor, and connecting with the unborn baby and other mothers. As a prenatal yoga teacher and Program Manager here at Blossom, I have yet to meet even one mom who didn’t feel her yoga practice was of great benefit.

The “Art of Surrender” is another lesser known benefit. During pregnancy, much of the focus is on the birth experience. And birth requires the mother to “let go.” Physically, non-resistance to the sensations of labor, just letting the contractions “pass through” has been shown to reduce the pain. Mentally and emotionally, fighting the labor for any number of reasons can make the experience longer than it needs to be.

Labor and birth, however, is just the beginning. The entire journey of parenting requires surrender over and over on a daily basis. Virtually every parent-to-be starts out with some expectations- visions of rocking the baby to sleep, family outings, even simply what the baby will look like, which are often unmet. Perhaps there are challenges with breastfeeding, or the baby’s temperament resists sleep, or the feelings of attachment are so strong it changes plans for returning to work. This is when the Art of Surrender is essential. Although it is often a challenge (who said parenting was easy!?), trying to control a situation which is out of your hands is about as useful as teaching a dog to fly.

More difficult yet is trying to control another (unwilling) person. If there is one thing that parenting has taught me, it’s that I cannot control my children. They are individuals with their own thoughts, desires, talents, personalities, and often with an agenda much different than my own. I will never forget the time I was trying to fix my irritable daughter’s hair for school when she stumbled and snapped, “Mom, look what you made me do!” I answered back calmly, “Honey, if I could make you do anything, I’d make you behave!” Her tone changed as she surprisingly agreed with me! Letting go of what I wish my children are and accepting them unconditionally has only strengthened my relationship with them and my contentment as their mother.

Yoga teaches us to accept situations for what they are with no attachment to any particular outcome. In their book Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Jon and Myla Kabat Zinn define acceptance as “an inner orientation which acknowledges that things are as they are, whether they are the way we want them to be or not, no matter how terrible they may be or seem to be at certain moments.” This is a practice which begins on the mat, finding acceptance for the limitations of the body and bringing the focus back to the breath every time the mind resists the difficulty of a pose (including sitting quietly in meditation). The true challenge is bringing the practice off the mat- finding peace when our children have that bittersweet first birthday, have a tantrum in public, or make a choice with which we disagree. Once we meet this challenge, blissful peace it is! We are better able to enjoy our children and our job as parents.

Nine years ago, pregnant with my first child, I came to prenatal yoga with the goal of preparing for labor and meeting other pregnant women. I had no idea that yoga would give me the most useful tool I have for the challenging and rewarding job of mothering: The Art of Surrender.